The Registrar of Prophecies

by Geoff Anderson

Actors

I = Isaiah
R = Registrar of Prophecies

(It would help if there was a sign saying ‘Registrar of Prophecies’)

Skit

R -- Next ! (Isaiah takes a seat. He can be in biblical or modern dress.) Name - ?

I -- Isaiah.

R -- Isaiah What?

I -- Just Isaiah, nothing else.

R -- Nothing else? Are you are a rock star or something?

I -- I’m a prophet. Why else would I have come to the Registrar of Prophecies?

R -- But you must have another name. I can’t put Isaiah. It would leave a blank space.

I -- (exasperated) Would First Isaiah do? .

R -- First Isaiah? You mean there’s more of you?

I -- Let me explain: I wrote the first 39 chapters in the 8thC BC, Second Isaiah wrote chapters 40 to 54 during the 6thC; and Third Isaiah wrote Chapters 55 to the end in the 5thC. Then they were all put together in one book - called Isaiah.

R -- Now let ME explain: this office shuts at 5 and there are others waiting outside.

I -- I’ve come to register my prophecy.

R -- Good. So what’s the date?

I -- 9th December -

R -- No, not today’s date, you fool! The date of your prophecy, the date you say the world is going to end!

I -- Er, I’m afraid mine isn’t that kind of prophecy.

R -- What do you mean, not that kind of prophecy? That’s the only kind of prophecy there is! I’ve got thousands of prophecies lining these walls and they all give a date when the world will end! I’ve had about 100 people this week prophesying 11th December 2111.

I -- What’s so special about 11th December 2111?

R -- It’s a palindrome, see, 1112… 2111. Palindromes are very popular. For 20th November 2002 we had to build an extension to house all the prophecies.

I -- Well, I’m sorry but I don’t have a date, palindromic or otherwise. I’m a forth-teller, not a fore-teller. The Word of God is told forth in the words I speak.

R -- But this won’t do at all. I don’t have any FORTHtelling forms, only FOREtelling forms! How did you get in here anyway? Who let you in?

I -- Who could keep me out? I’m the greatest prophet of Jewish scripture. I am quoted more times in the New Testament than any other prophet.

R -- All right, all right, but I still have to have a DATE.

I -- I’ve got an idea - write the word NOW.

R -- Now? You mean today’s date?

I -- No, I mean NOW. When you wake up tomorrow, today’s date will be yesterday, whereas NOW will still be NOW - tomorrow, the day after, and so on forever.

R -- I don’t have enough room for all that.

I -- Just put NOW. My prophecies call forth the word of God for people NOW in the 8th century BC, and NOW in the 21st century AD.

R -- Yes, well, I’m sure you’re right, but let’s move on - references. I need three referees.

I -- Will three kings do?

R -- I’d SAY so! Now they were proper prophets, the Three Kings. They saw the star, consulted their charts, and they had a DATE. They knew when Christ would be born.

I -- No, not THOSE three kings: I worked in the courts of three 8th Century Kings: Ahaz, Hezekiah & Uzziah.

R -- And where might I find these royal referees?

I -- The second Book of Kings. Chapters 15-20.

R -- (writing painstakingly) Fif-teen .. to .. twen .. ty. There! We’ll be computerised next year. The whole lot - I can’t wait! A paperless office - sheer heaven!

I -- (raising himself to his full height, taking a deep breath and orating) Advanced technology will not lead to a brighter future. Human invention will not lead to security. Cheap oil will not lead to eternal bliss. None of the Harry Potter gizmos and i-Pods and Robo-Babies, not even George Foreman’s Super-Humongous Size Grills will lead us to the Promised Land. If this is where you place your faith, O people of this world, if this is the only reality you can see, you are in dire trouble.

R -- What are you doing?

I -- I’m prophesying! This is the prophecy I’ve come to register!

R -- But I can’t put that down! You’re talking about US - hey, you’re even talking about ME - I was planning to get one of those grills!

I -- I told you my prophecies were about NOW didn’t I? God's will NOW for this world. I forth-see a world where there are no scam artists who take advantage of seniors, no paedophiles who abuse children, no drug dealers creating young addicts. I forth-see a world where bombs and bullets are not used to settle disputes and the strong do not take advantage of the weak. And a little child leads them.

R -- And by ‘little child’ I presume you mean Jesus. But he’s already come and gone and we’re still in the same old mess. You sound like so much we read in the Bible - we know it “ain't so”. Your ‘prophesying’ sounds fine, but we know it isn’t possible for such things to happen. You’ve only got to look at the situation in the world today - yours would be a beautiful world, but it just "ain't" so.

I -- You still don’t understand do you? You’re so obsessed with your forms and your numbers, you don’t see that these are not my words but God’s Word. Yet you say it ain’t so.

R -- I know it ain’t so. It’s a dream, a nice dream.

I -- Our dream maybe, but God’s reality. The reality wherever God’s Rule applies. In God’s Kingdom, the oil of peace flows down the beards of Israeli soldiers grown old, and the Palestinian sits under a fig tree in his own garden … and a little child leads them.

R -- There you go again. This little child died 2000 years ago. On a cross.

I -- In South America, the mothers of the Disappeared sit and pray together with the politically rich and powerful; in Africa, the hungry sit down at the tables of the well fed, and in Asia the children dying of Aids are rocked to sleep in the arms of the drug-barons … and a little child leads them.

R -- No he doesn’t! He can’t lead anybody - he’s hanging on a cross! Christmas is coming and we shall go about doing what we did before, only more so. We shall head for the shopping mall and we won’t give a thought to the starving and homeless. We’ll buy our Alkaselzers to cure our overindulgence and shrug our shoulders when we’re told that millions of children are dying from preventable disease. Go and give your Word of God to the fairies in Macey’s - their Santa’s Grotto should be able to contain your great fantasy, no problem.

I -- Christmas is always coming, you silly man! The Child is always being born into the world, always knocking on the door of your heart and asking for a room. Now, yes, now, now, NOW (he works up to an oratorical frenzy and exits proclaiming loudly), the Spirit of the Lord rests on him, on the little Child who leads them…

R -- (after a pause to let the impact of Isaiah’s exit die down, he looks at Isaiah’s ‘Registration Card’ carefully) I think… I’ll put Mr First Isaiah’s prophecy in .... (goes to put it in imaginary files) ... ‘PENDING’ (throws it over his shoulder and calls out:) NEXT!

END.

About the Author

Geoff Anderson is a retired parish priest with a Masters in French. He's also an Associate Writer with Redemptorist Publications (Anglican Dept) and published in Church Times and BBC 'Book of the Future'. UK tour manager of Russian Orthodox 6-person choir. Works copyright of Geoff Anderson in perpetuity. Contact ga@priest.com.