Conflict Resolution: 3 Traffic Lights to Assertiveness
by Jean V. Dickson
Conflict. It’s a word that makes many people feel like running out the door. To these individuals, it’s synonymous with anger, resentment, raised voices, hostility. But is that what conflict is all about? No, it isn’t. Conflict itself is neither good nor bad.
So, what’s the problem?
The problem is how people communicate when they disagree with someone. And, fortunately, there’s a very easy formula to follow to make sure that we get our point across without antagonizing the person we disagree with.
The 3 Traffic Lights to Assertiveness
We get into trouble because we don’t follow the right order. When driving,
the traffic lights follow a set order – green, amber and then red. However,
when dealing with others, instead of proceeding Green Light, Amber Light, Red
Light, we usually go straight to RED! And that’s where we get into problems.
Step #1
Give them the Green Light. What we do with this step is drive
their way. Show them that you understand their viewpoint. “Let me see
if I understand you correctly. What you’re saying is ….”
Step #2
The Amber Light signifies that a change is coming. And that’s
exactly what you do at this step. After showing that you understand the other
person’s concerns, you signify that a change is coming. You do this by
saying, “at the same time” or “however.” Do NOT use
the word “but.” BUT is a traffic accident. It stops all information
travelling in any direction. Instead, always use “at the same time”
or “however.”
Step #3
Red Light – If you head straight for red, it will make
your opponent see red. However, if you’ve prepared the person for your
objection, it usually won’t upset them. At the red light, after saying
“however” or “at the same time,” you now present your
side of story and then your compromise solution
These are the three traffic lights to assertiveness. However, like driving,
effectively driving the road to conflict resolution takes practise. So share
this idea with a friend and then role play a conflict and see how well you follow
the three steps. The more you do it the more results you’ll see. And your
career and private life will show the results,
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Jean V. Dickson is a Canadian-based entrepreneur who puts creativity's ZING into training and corporate communications. For more information on creativity and innovation, visit www.jvdcreativity.com and www.experientialexercises.com. To jazz up your corporate PowerPoint presentations, visit The PowerPoint Joint at www.powerpointjoint.com.
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