Good Sermon, Pastor! Or is it?

by Jean V. Dickson

Perhaps you can relate to this true story: Our pastor, I'll call him Gary, is 'blessed' with a church member who points out his many and varied flaws. At least once a month Gary's standing by the church door, smiling, shaking hands. His chest is even puffing out. And he's thinking, "That's the 18th 'Good sermon, Pastor' I've heard. I nailed it!"

He holds out his hand - and then sees it's Ginny. "Oh, no. What's she going to say this week?" His ears hear, "Pastor Gary, good message, but I felt I was sitting in a high school classroom. It needed some stories in it."

Can you believe that she would actually say this? That she has the nerve to criticize the pastor's sermon?

Gary's gracious though. He smiles and says, "That's interesting. I'll take it into consideration." And, of course, immediately discounts her advice - after all, everyone else said, "Good job, pastor."

There's only been one time that Gary snapped. He said, "My seminary professors said I wrote good sermons."

Ginny immediately shot back, "Then they didn't know what they were talking about."

I bet there's someone like Ginny in your church. At one time or another you've heard, "Pastor, you need to work on your sermons." Maybe it's not your sermons that draw complaints. But I know you've heard them.

And I bet, like Gary, you think, "Boy, does Ginny have a lot of anger boiled up inside of her." Or wondered if you should pray against a criticizing spirit.

Wrong! Oh, boy, are you ever wrong, pastor!

What you don't know is that people like Ginny are hearing the things that people won't tell you. You should be thanking her.

Churches - and people - are all alike. People complain. But NEVER to the person who the complaint is about. So if people are complaining about YOU, they aren't telling you. They're telling Ginny.

And that's exactly what happened in our church.

Here's what Ginny heard from a deacon, "I just turn off my hearing aid because I fall asleep anyway."

Here's what a business professional said, "He always quotes someone else, never comes up with what HE thinks. Can't he think for himself?"

Here's what she heard from a committee chairperson, "He's so boring."

Here's what Ginny heard from her own son, "Pastor Gary keeps saying the same thing over and over again. In the same way. He thinks he's applying the 'tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you've told them' but he isn't."

And here's what she heard from a kind-hearted church member, "Do Gary and Abigail have any plans for moving on? I like them - BUT - I really think they would do the church a favour if they left and we got someone else - after all, we've lost so many members since Pastor Gary got here."

The same people who at the door say, "Good job, Pastor!" in the parking lot say, "When is he going to tell me something that's useful in my life?"

In my almost 50 years of living, I've never yet had a person criticize me out of spite or malice. Over the years, I've come to believe that the majority of criticism we receive in our lives is because people WANT US TO SUCCEED, not because they are envious of us or want us to fail. I've seen it in my own life. I've seen it in my son's life.

I refuse to believe that our lives are so very different from your's. Or from Pastor Gary's.

So WHY Ginny is criticizing Pastor Gary?

Ginny, believe it or not, isn't plugged into the church gossip vine. Therefore, when she does eventually hear something, she knows that everyone in the church usually knows it before her. And when she hears the same complaint from several people she knows these problems are forest fires ravaging the church, not isolated spot fires.

Ginny hates gossip. When she hears a complaint, her procedure is to ask, "Have you mentioned this to Pastor Gary? It's what you're supposed to do. Also, consider this - how can he do his job right if you aren't honest and tell him that he isn't meeting your spiritual needs? It's our fault as a congregation, not his, if we don't tell him how he needs to improve."

The complainer generally agrees. But then says, "Oh, I couldn't do that." And then follows with one of two statements, "I don't want to hurt his feelings." OR "But Gary and Abigail wouldn't like me if I told them."

On occasion, Ginny has replied with, "What's more important? For them to like you? Or for you to do what God tells you to do?" But other than Ginny, no one has ever told Gary they thought his sermons sucked. They just kept complaining.

Ginny thought about the problem for a while. And she had to agree that these people had a point. The complaints were valid. Gary's sermons needed work. Because she LIKES Gary and Abigail, she wants them to stick around and to do a good job.

She also thought about the scripture that states that if a brother is needy and all you do is pray without giving them the physical items they need, then that's not love - it's sin. She asked, "Did God mean only food or clothing? Surely He also meant that if a brother needs help and is in danger, it's your duty to help them if you can?"

I agree with Ginny's assessment. Someone once told me many years ago to never mention something needs improvement if you can't tell the person how to improve it. Ginny complained about Gary's sermons. But does she have the expertise to help him?

Yes. Ginny is an award-winning public speaker. Not just once. Not just twice. But many times. She's also won speech evaluation awards. She gives workshops on public speaking skills. And she's currently writing a book on the topic. Professionally, she's been told that she writes sales copy that "puts people into a hypnotic buying trance." Her articles been included in many published books and trade journals.

So, finally, Ginny told her good friend Pastor Gary that she was worried for his job - that she was telling him these things because she often heard these complaints from church members who wouldn't tell Gary themselves.

What was Gary's response? "I never believe nameless complaints. Tell me who said what."

Ginny refused to mention names because these statements were confidences. As a result, Gary and Abigail refused to believe her. Then Abigail said that she would rather believe her close friend Ginny was vindictive and jealous rather than believe the people she went to prayer meeting with thought something negative about her husband.

At this point, Ginny gave up. She thought, "Well, let them think unkindly of me. I've tried to tell them. But they just don't want to face the truth." She realized that they would rather put their heads in the sand than face a problem.

Facing the problem would have seen Gary become more Godly and more able to communicate his passion for God. Facing the problem would have made the church grow.

In the two years since this happened, instead the church has further shrunk. And Ginny and her son recently left the church they had been attending for over ten years. Their once close friendship with Gary and Abigail hasn't been close since.

However, it looks like Pastor Gary might finally be realizing that Ginny was the only one in the church looking out for him. She was his most loyal fan, not his biggest critic. After her son got annoyed with Gary and said, "Pastor Gary, you'd be better off listening to my mom," people have commented that Pastor Gary's sermons have improved. They still aren't good. But they are better. Hopefully, it isn't too late.

By now, you've probably realized that I'm Ginny. I'm the person who hears the gossip. Who hears what people say behind your back.

Believe me when you won't believe the person in your church. I'm telling you, Pastor, I want you to succeed. I want your church to be vibrant, to glorify God.

So, Pastor, when someone complains, start thanking them. You may not like what they say. You may not like how they say it. But the odds are high that out of all your congregation, they're the ones that MOST want you and your church to succeed. So listen to what they have to say.

And think kindly of them. Because what they're telling you is what other people are saying. The difference is they're the only ones brave enough to tell it to your face, not your back.

This article is available for you to reprint or repost - FREE - provided that Jean's name and contact information (supplied below) are included.

Jean V. Dickson is a Canadian-based entrepreneur who puts creativity's ZING into training and corporate communications. For more information on creativity and innovation, visit www.jvdcreativity.com and www.experientialexercises.com. To jazz up your corporate PowerPoint presentations, visit Biz Backgrounds at www.bizbackgrounds.com.